the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
