When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
