ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
