So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
