Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
