This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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