So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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