The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
