New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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