Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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