I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
