Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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