I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
