so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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