so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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