I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
