Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
