there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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