You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sext me about skeletons
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
