I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
