There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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