She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
