I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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