he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize