Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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