the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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