If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
