Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
