he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
