I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
