The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
