your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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