i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
