THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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