Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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