and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
