walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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