PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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