I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
