he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
