Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
