Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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