cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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