so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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