okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
