ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
