those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Randomize
