Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
