I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
