how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
