Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
