he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
