Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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