"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
