You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
