dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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