I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
