I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
