Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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