put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
