I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
