twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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