it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
