I haven't been this sober since birth.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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