kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
