I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
