i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
