we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
