I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
