I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
